We have thrust our grubby hands deep into the tombola of tenuous news this week and pulled out some ginger people in a dungeon, a robotic sexual organ and a whiskey bottle love letter, which sounds like an interesting night at least.
Winter, all is forgiven, we are sick to death of the smell of suncream and explaining to the little ones that the air con will only work if they stop rolling the bloody windows down.
The central line could now cook a casserole in 7-8 minutes, there’s no room left on the beaches, and it’s still probably raining in Manchester, it is our yearly heatwave and when we said we wanted it to get warmer, we didn’t mean like this.
It is good news for operators however and owners of Blackpool Tower Dungeon have come up with the cheekiest promotion of the weekend by allowing gingers inside for free, says the Liverpool Echo.
Due to Irish lineage and the paper-white complexion it bestows, Mediawatch can sympathise with our flame-haired brethren and the sheer lengths it often takes to protect ourselves. Normally just staying indoors is the safest option, and what better place than an hour long dungeon tour.
Kenny Mew, general manager at The Blackpool Tower Dungeon, said: “Looking around Blackpool, we’ve seen people walking around with the worst T-shirt tans that you can imagine. It felt right that we do something to help them out and allow them to escape this current heat- wave.
“We want everyone to be able to get some enjoyment out of the rise in temperature and with it set to continue until early week, I think some people will need a visit to the Dungeons.”
He’s a good lad our Kenny, if only they can open a bar down there and stick the footie on we reckon he’s onto a proper winner, because at the end of the day, what is more frightening than slow mo replays of Phil Jones.
Now for a seamless story transition we are getting out of the Sun’s rays and onto its online news site (told you) and reports that the most expensive new machine at Butlin’s Skegness isn’t quite the redemption you would imagine.
Andrew Wardle, who works at the coastal leisure paradise has had a £70,000 ‘bionic’ penis fitted after being born without one and the impressive addition to the park’s machine estate will reportedly be up and running in six weeks time. The initial installation phase meant that the unit was fully inflated, shall we say, for 10 whole days something that Wardle was acutely aware may be seen in the wrong way.
“I’ve barely ventured outside my front door for the last eight days as I’m terrified people might get the wrong idea,” he said.
The pages of Coinslot often refer to our much-adored coastline, which is lucky as whilst we’re on the topic of love and beaches a woman in Ayrshire has found a love letter in a bottle believed to have travelled some 200 miles. Another smooth as silk transition aside, one Elissa Wilson came across what she rather Scottishly has called “a wee piece of magic” while cleaning the beach. The letter, which was placed, also quite Scottishly in a mini whiskey bottle was written by a Sarah who was celebrating her wedding anniversary on the isle of Skye.
Anyway, a message in a bottle isn’t the only thing that is coming home to our shores this summer as football will soon follow, or the England team empty handed, it’s hard to tell as this has been written before the the Colombia game has kicked off. Fingers crossed.